Why do we lie? I'm not talking about major lies here. I'm talking about things like this:
When someone asks "How are you?" and you answer "Fine" when everything is not fine.
Or when I ask someone not to use their cell phone on the 2nd floor of the library, often after they hang up they apologize and I reply "It's okay" when really it is not okay.
I'm just curious if you have any ideas why we lie on occasions like this...
5 comments:
I think it is morally correct to lie outright if it prevents someone's feelings from being hurt. ("Do you like the casserole?" "Yes, it is delicious.")
Sometimes I think we lie with people who are mere acquaintances just to keep the conversation going. ("Have you seen such-and-such movie?" "Yes, it was great." (even though you haven't seen it)) I am ashamed to say that I have done this myself because otherwise it would be such a conversation stopper.
Or, like in your example, when someone asks how we are doing and we say "fine," it is because we feel that they probably don't really want to hear the truth.
Thanks for hanging out with me yesterday. You are a great friend. (And that's not a lie!)
If I didn't say "fine," explaining how I'm really feeling would take too long...
I tell people it's okay on the 2nd floor, too. It's not, but it just seems polite. Maybe it's okay as a 1st offense.
We fight so hard not to be the stingy librarian. We really just want to be liked - don't make us shush you!
Ann-Marie, What is going on in your life? Why aren't you fine? Anything I can do to help? Love ya, Aunt Tammy
Yes, I agree that we lie, or at least gloss over, by saying things like, "I'm fine" because the real answer takes too long, and people can't handle it/don't want the real answer.
Which begs another question: why is it culturally appropriate to ask a question as a mere civility when we don't really want the answer? The person I casually pass and ask, "How are you doing?" is not someone who I have time to hear out. I may not even remember their name or where I know them from. Or when I ask, "How did you like the casserole?" I may not actually want their real opinion. I may just want to hear a little appreciation and praise for making the casserole, even if it is a little dry.
But don't worry, when I ask you how you are doing, I definitely, truly, honestly want the answer. Just keep it short ;)
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