Spell to look Magnificant

The book "Supermarket Sorceress" came in the other day. So Leah, here is the spell to make you look magnificant (as if you need it!)

Ingredients
apples
snow peas
avocado
cherries

Remember Snow White and the witch who tried to poison her with an apple? Don't believe all the fairy tales you read. Apples have long been used by witches for love, health, and beauty spells. One old wives' tale mentions eating a half tablespoon of apple cider vinegar a day to retain youthfulness. Norse legend tells how the gods and goddesses eat apples to keep their good looks. Remember the princess and the pea? Another snow job! Peas (especially snow peas) are sacred to Venus, the goddess of beauty. To place a pea pod under your pillow will actually insure that you get your beauty rest. Avocado is another food sacred to Venus. Rich in oils, it is used in countless beauty products to rejuvenate the skin. Cherries promote self-confidence and happiness, the keys to feeling beautiful.
Take an apple and cut it in half horizontally. You should find a five-pointed star at its center. This is the witches' magical symbol, representing the perfection of the human form. The top point is the head, the center points are two arms, and the bottom points are two legs. Visualize yourself glowing like a perfect star.
Color also plays a part in this ritual. If you want to look great for romantic reasons, use a red apple. To make someone green with envy or to look good for a job interview, use a green apple. Golden apples are recommended f or people in the arts or anyone wanting to make an impression upon the public. Eat half of the apple and give the other half as an offering. Simply place it on your alter or under a tree.
Now peel the skin off of hte avocado. The avocado is also known as the alligator pear. Imagine all your "alligator" traits being removed. The alligator lives in dark, swampy areas. Release all the murkey and unattractive thoughts you have about yourself, shedding them with the skin of the avocado. Slice the fruit into seven pieces and remove the pit. (Seven is the sacred number of Venus.) Mash the slices into a paste as if you were maing guacamole. Use the paste as a face mask. As you cover your face visualize all your blemishes disappearing.
Now take seven snow peas in the right hand and seven cherries in the left hand. Eat them alternatively. The left hand rules the conscious and "seen" world. What you are doing is simultaneously creating beauty both within and without. This ritual should be done at least one to three days befor you intend to strut your stuff!

I'm not exactly sure if this book is being serious, or if they are making fun of witchcraft, but it is entertaining none the less!